Asphyxiation
by skysedge
Summary: Is it betrayal to fall in love with your best friend? Just because it's a cliche, doesn't mean it's easy to deal with... - Companion story to I Want More Than Just Your Drunken Love by Keiko Hanyou. This story is what's happening behind the scenes -


**Important: **

**This story is a companion piece to I Want More Than Just Your Drunken Love by Keiko Hanyou, my dearest Emily. The important part is that ****this will make sense whether you have read hers or not**

**This story revolves around Hakkai and Gojyo but the events take place alongside her story about Sanzo and Goku. Anything about the others mentioned here is just to provide a scenario for you. **

**I will be writing this at more or less the same time as her so to fully understand the stories of all the characters, read both of our fics! **

**Anyway..off we go. It starts sort of slowly, the plot will pick up in the next chappy. Review my loves? It would mean a lot. **

* * *

Asphyxiate On Words I Would Say

Chapter One; Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams

_Is it betrayal to fall in love with your best friend?_

_When you feel down, confused or upset a friend will be there to help pick you up. That's what friends are for and why we surround ourselves with as many as possible. But when friendship starts to develop into something more, it puts a strain on everyone involved. When the other people involved start developing problems of their own, who is the person responsible and who can ultimately end all the heartache and show the truth for what it is? _

_It's a complicated, no-win situation; save the people you care about or selfishly pursue your own happiness? Either way, you'll be doing something wrong…_

* * *

Hakkai would be the first person to admit that he would always help a friend in need, or even an acquaintance but this time...he had a horrible feeling that in trying to help he would just send himself down on a spiral of pointless regret.

He watched as Sanzo was escorted upstairs by an unusually quiet Goku and then sighed. Something was up with Sanzo. He had been getting drunk more often that the others could ever remember happening before and had become even more unpredictable and moody that normal. The worst part of it was that he was angry at everyone – except Goku. Goku had become his newest best friend and Hakkai could see it was wearing the boy down.

In a situation like this, it fell to Gojyo and himself to hep but…something about this situation worried Hakkai a lot. For once, he just wanted to be the selfish one to step back and let the others take care of it all…

"He's got your smile you know."

Hakkai turned to see Gojyo smiling at him. He couldn't help but offer a weak smile back; something about the redheads smile was infectious, even at a time like this. In fact, it was always at a time like this that Gojyo knew just how to get Hakkai back on track.

"Yes… I noticed." Hakkai answered, not really knowing what else to say. What could he say to that?

"What are we going to do?" Gojyo asked with a worried frown. Hakkai mentally groaned. The question was inevitable and important but for once, he didn't know the answer.

"What can we do?" He said at length. "Sanzo's too stubborn to admit anything while sober, and Goku's too hopeful to believe he doesn't mean it at all. All we can do is wait and hope Sanzo realises what he's doing to that boy, before he destroys him."

Gojyo nodded slowly then sighed. "I guess in the end, the most we can do is let them both know we're here for them. That's alright, isn't it?" The hopefulness in his voice reflected that of a small child. Hakkai smiled.

"Yes, that's the best option."

"Meanwhile…" Gojyo leant forward a little and stubbed a cigarette out into an already overflowing ashtray. "How are you feeling, Hakkai? The others may not realise but I know you. Something's up."

"I'm just worried." Hakkai answered quickly. "I don't like seeing half of our group so confused."

Gojyo was silent for a moment and studied Hakkai carefully with worried eyes. At last, he said "Alright. I'll let that go for now. But you'll have to tell me at some point, you know. Either that or I'll force it out of you."

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about." Hakkai answered primly, but couldn't help a smile. "What could you do to force me, anyway?"

"Oh, I don't know…" Gojyo gestured expansively. "We have to share a room tonight and I could bring in a couple of girls, a few hundred smokes and hold a party. Even you're iron nerve couldn't put up with that."

Hakkai laughed. "Fair enough. I'm safe for now at least."

"How so?"

"All the women in this bar heard you say that and are now glaring at you."

Gojyo rolled his eyes as Hakkai smiled sweetly. "Ah, never mind. I've got all the company I need right here." He patted Hakkai on the shoulder. "We should head up soon, though. Either that or I'll fall asleep right here and you'll have to carry me."

"I'd leave you here." Hakkai laughed. "Pick you up in the morning perhaps." At Gojyo's scandalised expression, he laughed. "Alright. One more round and we leave."

A small corner of his mind was telling him that he would have to make another reason to delay; he wasn't ready to be alone with Gojyo just yet, not with all the thoughts on his mind. The kind of thoughts that should stay locked up inside until they're needed, the kind of thoughts that could be destroying Goku right now…

* * *

The night wore on and Hakkai and Gojyo were still awake to watch its progression. After Gojyo had checked in on the other two, they had come to a conclusion. Goku was upset because he wasn't sure if Sanzo's drunken praise was real, or at least that was the only explanation that worked. Gojyo would talk to Goku about it and until then, there was nothing they could do.

It had been such a long time since they had been able to talk like this, just the two of them, although the conversation often turned back to Goku and Sanzo. After hours of this, Hakkai suddenly frowned.

"Gojyo…I thought you said you were sleepy."

Gojyo shrugged. "I was but…seeing Goku like that sort of…woke me up. I couldn't sleep right now even if I wanted to."

"Fair enough." Hakkai rubbed his eyes and lay back against the uncomfortable mattress. They were both on their respective beds although Gojyo was sitting up still and smoking. Hakkai needed to sleep himself. He needed to relax and recently, he had found himself unable to do so around Gojyo. Something in his companions eyes made him feel intensely…uncomfortable. Not because there was anything wrong with Gojyo, of course there wasn't, but because he would always find himself wanting to say strange things. He had never allowed himself to say them but the effort of holding back was starting to get to him. He had to do something about it but it would have to wait…Sanzo and Goku were more important than him, after all.

"Hey, Hakkai?"

Hakkai snapped back to the present. Gojyo had scooted off of his bed while Hakkai had been thinking and was now sitting beside him. He laid a hand on Hakkai's arm gently.

"You okay? You're eyes went all…distant on me."

"Sorry." Hakkai said automatically. "I was just thinking. And why were you watching my eyes?"

"Gotta look at _something_ in this room." Gojyo shrugged but Hakkai thought he caught the hint of a blush. Gojyo didn't expand on the point and so Hakkai let it drop.

"Still not tired?"

"A little. Seeing you go all…woozy on me has made me sleepy."

"Then go to sleep." Hakkai laughed a little. "I won't be able to sleep if you don't either."

"How comes?"

"I…" Hakkai paused and before he could help himself, he had said the words on his mind. "I've missed the sound of you breathing during the night and if you're awake, I'll just lay awake worrying about you."

He almost gasped but instead, kept his face carefully blank to gauge Gojyo's reaction. The redhead just smiled softly.

"Alright Hakkai, I'll sleep. And...well, I've missed sharing with you too."

The light was blown out and soon, Gojyo was asleep. Despite his words, Hakkai lay awake still; there was so much he could have said. He found himself whispering to himself before he fell into a troubled sleep. He was afraid, when it came down to it.

Afraid of what Gojyo might be thinking of him. Afraid that his friends were going to fall apart. Afraid that everything he was feeling was wrong.

Afraid of the fact that he had finally realized that he had fallen in love.

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End file.
